Experts have revealed when you should tell your partner that you cheated.
When it comes to being unfaithful, there are always differing opinions.
Whether you should or shouldn’t tell your partner, how you should go about it if you do tell them, what the best way is to go forward in the future.
Well, according to one relationship expert, if you still want to stay with your partner the best thing to do is to keep your infidelity a secret.
The controversial opinion comes from marriage counsellor and sex therapist Megan Fleming, who opened up on her point of view to Refinery29.
‘You’re the one sitting with the guilt, and if [the affair] is over and done, you absolutely don’t want to then put that on your partner,’ she said.
The marriage expert suggests, instead of burdening your partner with the issue, to focus on identifying your own reasons behind the infidelity.
‘Obviously on some level your relationship was feeling challenged,’ she explained.
However, readers were obviously divided on this unusual perspective, feeling that to keep a major secret like that from your other half is just as detrimental as telling them.
Bestselling author and relationship expert Susan Winter explained that there are times when it’s best to keep a secret but also times when it’s best to be truthful.
‘The truth is that relieving one’s guilt comes at the direct expense of their mate,’ Susan told the Independent. ‘While honesty is indeed the hallmark of true intimacy, there are times when unburdening yourself results in cruel and unnecessary information that then burdens your mate.’
The relationship expert also explained that whether you should tell you partner sometimes depends on the kind of infidelity.
She suggests that it may be best to keep it secret if it was a one-off, especially if it was sparked by alcohol.
‘Think twice before revealing an interlude you can barely remember the next day,’ she said. ‘This confession can only create harm, not good. Commit to moderation and learn your limits of indulgence.’
However, if it was a longer affair, coming clean might be the way to go.
‘This was a choice made repeatedly that diverted your love and sexual expression away from your partner,’ she explained, saying that it indicates ‘a problem exists within the relationship, or within yourself.’